A city boy wanted to marry a country girl. She insists that he has to ask her father for her hand in marriage.

So off he goes to their farm to ask her father. “I want to marry your daughter”.

“Well, my boy you will have to prove to me that you are a man worthy of my daughter.” the father replied.

“I’ll do anything for my love” says the young man.

“You see that cow out in the pasture? Well go screw it.”

A little puzzled the boy says, “OK, anything for my love”

On his return of doing his deed, he asks, “Now can I marry your daughter?”

“Nope.” says the father, “See that goat over yonder? Well, Go screw it.”

Again the boy obliges and returns saying, “Now can I marry your daughter?”

“Nope. Not yet — one more thing. See that pig in the sty? Well go to it.” Once again he obliges and returns.

This time the farmer is amazed at seeing this boy doing these deeds just to marry his daughter.

So the father finally tells the boy, “Now you can marry my daughter.”

To which the boy replies, “SCREW YOUR DAUGHTER, HOW MUCH YOU WANT FOR THAT PIG?”

I had a near death experience that has changed me forever. The other day I went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. I tried with all my might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, my foot gets caught in the stirrup. When this happened, I fell head first to the ground. My head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as I was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Walmart manager came and unplugged it. Thank Goodness for heroes!

A cowboy goes into a bar, has a beer, walks outside and finds his horse has been stolen. He walks back into the bar, fires his gun through the ceiling. “Which one of you mothers stole my hoss?” he yells. No one answers. “All right, I’m gonna have one more beer and if my hoss ain’t outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I dun in Texas.” He drinks another beer, walks outside, and his horse is back. So he gets on it and gets ready to ride out of town. The bartender walks out of the bar and asks, “Say pardner, what happened in Texas?” The cowboy turns to him, and says, “I had to bloody walk home.”

A cowboy goes into a bar, has a beer, walks outside and finds his horse has been stolen. He walks back into the bar, fires his gun through the ceiling. “Which one of you mothers stole my hoss?” he yells. No one answers. “All right, I’m gonna have one more beer and if my hoss ain’t outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I dun in Texas.” He drinks another beer, walks outside, and his horse is back. So he gets on it and gets ready to ride out of town. The bartender walks out of the bar and asks, “Say pardner, what happened in Texas?” The cowboy turns to him, and says, “I had to bloody walk home.”

All right fans, here is it the long awaited other version of the Signs. Comment, suggestions and criticisms are allowed. Feel free to laugh your head off. And if enough replies are posted, I might even add more. Anyway, enjoy them! I know, I did while doing it.
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Signs Your Boyfriend is a Secret Animal Lover

10. When YOU come over to HIS house, his female Doberman acts as though she’s some jealous girlfriend wanting to rip the neck of the other bitch that sleeps with HER mate aka YOU.

9. You take a peek at his Palm top by stealth and learn that the real reason he was out at the race derbies was to meet someone named ‘Apple’ only to discover later that Apple was not one of the jockeys but was actually a REAL horse.

8. His DVD collection now consists of the following titles: Humping with Lassie, Fuck Willy, and The Horse of Zorro.

7. Having sex with him in “doggy-style” actually involves a REAL dog.

6. He is happy when you tell him about you have to go away for the weekend and you need him to look after your dog. The dog also seems to be awfully “excited and happy” for some reason.

5. When he says he sleeps with his dog, you hope that’s all she does.

4: He actually prefers watching Animal Planet than spending time with his X-box.

3: You discover that is actually a VERY active member of this website. And he’s been sending pictures and stories about bestiality for quite sometime now. (Hmmm, now WHO could that be…? *hint* *hint*).

2. He keeps on explaning to you that “Kitty cat” is his pet name for your uh, pussy and and he doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that your cat is pregnant.

And the number one sign that Your Boyfriend is a Secret Animal Lover…..

1. He keeps on having wet dreams involving some nasty four-legged ladies from the Police’s K9 Department..

Oh, lookie!!! I got another one!!!

Brisk brave brigadiers
banged broad bright boars,
bears, and bulls —
banging them bangingly.

Oh, lookie!!! I got another one!!!

Brisk brave brigadiers
banged broad bright boars,
bears, and bulls —
banging them bangingly.

Signs Your Girlfriend is a Secret Animal Lover

10. When she comes over to your house she ignores you and snuggles up to your pet Schnauzer(the DOG, you pervert!!!!) and says “Hello, handsome, wanna play?”

9. You take a take at her diary by stealth and learn that the handsome 14-inch cock stallion she was fucking out with in the race derbies while you were away, was actually a REAL horse.

8. You were browsing this website for a “quickie” and you see her picture being fucked by that dog you gave her last Christmas ago.

7. Having sex with her in “doggy-style” actually involves a REAL dog.

6. She is happy when you tell her about you have to go away for the weekend and you need her to look after your dog. The dog also seems to be awfully “excited and happy” for some reason.

5. When she says she sleeps with her dog, you hope that’s all she does.

4: She actually has orgasms while watching the Animal Planet Special Big Cats”.

3. You discover that is actually a VERY active member of this website. And she’s been sending pictures and stories about bestiality for quite sometime now. (Hmmm, now WHO could that be…? *hint* *hint*).

2. When she tells you to fuck her pussy, she means that huge white Siberian Tiger she had chained up by the bed and not her.

And the number one sign that Your Girlfriend is a Secret Animal Lover…..

1. She screams out her dog’s name while having sex with you.

And here’s another one!!! Have fun!!!

There was a young fuck named Fischer
Who fucked a fish in a fissure.
The fish with a grin,
Fucked the fucker in;
Now they’re fucking the fissure for Fischer.

And here’s another one for you!!! Enjoy!!!

If a dog fucker taught a dog fucker
To fuck ere the dog could fucker,
Ought the dog fucker fuck
Be taught to say fuck, or suck,
Or what ought to be taught her?
If to fuck and to fuck a dog fucker fuck
Be taught by her dog fucker tutor,
Ought the dog get fucked
If the dog fucker fuck
dog and fuck at her dog fucker fuck?

You might be into Animal Sex if…..

If you can name every pet that your neightbors own without flinching you might be into animal love!

If you can recognize their sounds(meows, barks, whatever) by heart you might be into animal love!

If you name your child after your favorite animal you might be into animal love!

If you see a horse statue and it reminds you of your last lover!

If your room is cluttered with animal sex pics you might be into animal love!

If you dress like an animal EVERY Halloween you might be into animal love!

If you dream that you are fucking an animal!

If you think that were an animal in your past life!!

And my favorite one of all would be…

If you keep on visiting this site YOU MIGHT BE INTO ANIMAL SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!
.
AND WELCOME TO THE CLUB!!!!!

And here’s another one for you to twist yer tongues with! Enjoy!!

There was a barren whore
who fucked a bear, also a boar.
The bear could not fuck the boar.
The boar fucked the bear a bore.
At last the bear could fuck no more
Of that boar that bored him to the whore,
And so the whore fucked off the boar–
That boar will bore the bear no more.

Top ten signs You’re into Animal Love

10. You’ve become a Fan of Transformers Beast Wars not because you’re into TF or you like the story, but because you have wet dreams regarding you and a certain sexy spotted cat in the series.

9. You start to enjoy watching Animal Planet more than your girlfriend’s soap operas.

8. You enjoy being with your dog than your state of the art X-Box gaming console.

7. You’re starting to look forward to dragging your bratty nephew to the zoo during weekends.

8. You catch yourself wondering whether your boyfriend’s pet Doberman has a bigger dick than your boyfriend.

6. You develop a habit of talking to the park’s policeman because you have a crush on his horse.

5. You have nightmares of being caught humping the fountain’s dolphin statue at the park.

4. . You find yourself thinking of your dog when having sex with your BF.

3. You’re a daily guest of this website.

2. You post your fantasies and experiences into this site.

1. You’re a member of this web site.